Sunday, 3 April 2011

Part 1

A fist shot into Lilith's face. She fell back, seeing stars in her eyes. The man grabbed her collar and lifted her up of the ground, before throwing her across the room and oto the table, shattering the china plates.
    Lilith rolled offthe table. She groaned in pain and tried her best to stumble to her feet. She turned just as the man walked up to her and swung another punch. She dodged, but he kicked out with his leg and caught her ankles. She fell.
    Lilith remembered back a few minutes ago. The man had just come into her house and attacked her. She had no idea of who he was, but she did know that he had a good punch.
    He kicked her in the guts, and she groaned again.
    And that was when the door was blown off it's hinges. Three people strode into the room and went straight to the man. One stepped right up to him and blocked his punch like he was swatting a fly. The next one kicked his shin, almost knocking him down, and then punched him in the chest.
    Lilith flinched when she heard the crunch. It was like that guy was made of steel.
    The last one reached the man, and grabbed his fist when it came to his face. He twisted it sideways and shoved it behind the man's back. He grabbed his opposite shoulder and yanked.
    The man howled in agony.
    Lilith was now standing, holding a hand to the side of her face where the man punched her. She felt awful.
    The man was now lying on the ground, and Lilith was able to get a better look at him.
    He was dark haired, and very strong. He had dark eyes. Lilith stared at the sheer size of him. He was huge!
    The people looked up at Lilith, and she looked up at them. She smiled gratefully. They smiled back.
    Then the man grabbed Lilith's ankles and knocked her to the ground, hitting her head hard against the floor and knocking her out.

7 comments:

  1. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! MUST HAVE MOOOOOOOOOOOORE!!!!

    Great beginning Lilith! LOVE IT!
    :D

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  2. Kallista, how am I supposed to put in the next one? please help!

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  3. I liked it.
    Although, if you'd like my opinion, I'd have fewer conjunctions and more commas or periods. Like instead of,

    "The man grabbed her collar and lifted her up of the ground, before throwing her across the room and oto the table, shattering the china plates.
    Lilith rolled offthe table. She groaned in pain and tried her best to stumble to her feet."

    I'd have said,

    "The man grabbed her collar, lifting her from the ground and throwing her across the room onto the table, shattering the China plates.
    She rolled off of it and, groaning in pain yet again, she tried to stumble to her feet."

    Just a suggestion. :]
    Can't wait to read the rest!

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  4. that's cool skyril! sorry this comments a bit late!

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